Facts About Domestic Abuse

Types of Abuse

Abuse is a systematic pattern of behaviors in a relationship that is used by one person to gain and/or maintain power and control over another person.

• Physical Abuseis any forceful or violent physical behavior.
• Verbal or Emotional Abuse includes hurting another person's feelings by making cruel, unfair comments, belittling or name-calling.
• Psychological Abuse is any threat to do bodily harm to a partner, a child, a family member, friends, pets or oneself (suicide).
• Sexual Abuseis any non-consenting sexual act or behavior including coercion, belittling, talking about sexual conquests, accusing unfaithfulness, belittling another persons sexuality.
• Financial Abuseis preventing a person from having any control over family finances; not allowing access to money.

Signs of Abuse

• Not being able to use the telephone.
• Being forbidden to see family and friends without the other partner present.
• Not being allowed to participate in making household decisions, including financial decisions.
• Frequent bruises or other physical injuries.
• Not being allowed to learn to drive, go to school, or get/ keep a job.
• Exhibiting low self-esteem, poor self-concept; may avoid eye contact, looking away or at the ground when talking.
• Complaining of non-specific aches and pains that are constant and recurring, and may be stress-related problems, such as migraine headaches, high blood pressure, or gastrointestinal problems.

Safety Planning for Victims

Safety planning is not a simple process. Each situation is different and complex. Following all of these techniques may not guarantee safety, but will go a long way toward providing a safer environment.

• If an argument seems unavoidable, try to have it in a room or area where you have access to an exit. Try to stay away from the bathroom, kitchen, bedroom or anywhere else where weapons might be available.
• Practice how to get out of your home safely. Identify which doors, windows, elevator, or stairwell would be best.
• Have a packed bag ready and keep it at a relatives or friends home in order to leave quickly.
• Identify one or more neighbors you can tell about the violence and ask that they call the police if they hear a disturbance coming from your home.
• Devise a code word to use with your children, family, friends, and neighbors when you need the police.
• Decide and plan for where you will go if you have to leave home (even if you don't think you will need to leave).
• Use your own instincts and judgment. If the situation is very dangerous, consider giving the abuser what he wants to calm him down. You have the right to protect yourself until you are out of danger.

How you can help

If you suspect someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, there are a number of ways you can be of assistance:

• Become informed
• Don't be afraid to show your concern
• Acknowledge that the situation is very difficult and scary
• Be supportive
• Be non-judgmental
• Focus on strength
• Encourage your friend/family member to do things with you and other friends and family, and to take part in other activities outside of the abusive relationship
• If your friend/family member breaks up with the abuser, continue to be supportive
• Help your friend/family member to develop a safety plan (see below)
• Encourage your friend/family member to talk to people who can give help and guidance such as a domestic abuse agency, etc.
• Remember that you cannot "rescue" your friend or loved one